Amanda,

NoteDate
If you ever forget that night at the bar when I told you I loved you and you asked me to look you in the eyes and tell you. When I did and you seen that I do, just come here and remember09/30/2021
Today I have not heard from you but it's a huge day for us. I know you are probably just busy working but I can't help to wonder if it is because you have bad news. Today will determine how hard we will have to work to be together, even if it is bad news I want you to know that I will work as hard as I have to, to be with you.10/01/2021
I am so sorry, I can't say that enough I will make this up to you.10/07/2021
I dropped you off at the airport this morning it was nice to see you again, and that hug warmed my heart. I can not get you off of my mind today I wonder if you will look at this site while you are gone. If you do know that I am thinking of you!10/14/2021
It's day two of your vacation, I promised I would not text you. Glad I have this to say some things on :). It was nice to hear from you today ... even though it was about work stuff. I hope I get to pick you up from the Airport when you are back.10/15/2021
I truly meant when I said "My life is better with you in it" last night. For me you're a once in a lifetime person. I am glad you had a good trip and made it home safe. I hope I hear from you soon. :)10/21/2021
Yesterday was a rough day for us, we got some terrible news. The fight is not over yet and your positivity was inspiring to me. This morning I continue to hope for good news. I will be in and out of town over the next few days and the thought of that makes me realize I miss you and I would love to see you as soon as I can. XOXOXO10/21/2021
All my heart. All my love. All my life. Every moment with you is life changing. You are all the things. So excited to see what our future holds. 12/23/2021
I love you so much, this past month you’ve shown me what truly true love is. The world with you in it is magical. I love you12/23/2021
Woke up this morning and thought about you immediately, came downstairs because I seen some bugs in the site plus I am going to make the “allthethings” domain. Love you 12/24/2021
Thank you for finding me and seeing me and for loving me in all the ways I always dreamed of ??12/28/2021
Missing you terribly, working on your sons PC and just can not stop thinking about you. 12/29/2021
Sometimes I get the feeling that you feel like the magic is wearing off or that you don’t want to keep doing what we are. I really can’t shake that feeling this morning. I love you and can’t imagine my life without you in it. I hope this feeling is just my insecurity because I love you so much. 12/29/2021
Dreaming of the day we don’t have to miss each other so much12/30/2021
I can’t imagine surviving the heartache of us not seeing forever together. I’m honestly so scared I’m getting played. 12/30/2021
I love you with all of my existence 12/30/2021
Hoping to bring in the new year next to you where I belong XOXOXO12/31/2021
I love being loved by you and loving you in return. My heart has never been so full <301/02/2022
Can’t sleep. You are weighing heavy on my mind and heart tonight. Looking forward to spending time with you tomorrow, hope it helps ease some of this to a more stable place. 01/04/2022
I can’t wait to get to spend some real time with you tomorrow! 01/06/2022
I have been enjoying all of the time we have gotten together this week. I hope we get more and more time together. I hope this gets easier for everyone. Love you01/06/2022
Loving every moment of this beautiful journey with you. 01/17/2022
You continue to amaze me, you’re a strong beautiful intelligent woman. You’re an amazing mom and girlfriend. I don’t know how you manage to check all the boxes while doing it all but I love that you do. -M01/18/2022
You are turning me into a morning person (when no one else could, including myself) and I’m not even a little mad about it xoxo01/19/2022
I love every minute I get with you, I’m so glad you get up in the morning so we can have those extra minutes. It feels like my day starts and ends with you.01/25/2022
A preview of what is to come. I love starting my days and waking up with you. I didn’t think you could get more attractive but your sleepy face and dreamy eyes have proven me wrong. I am eternally grateful we found each other. 01/26/2022
Feels like we are losing each other and it really sucks 01/31/2022
All I want is to hold hold you and tell you I love you. I don’t want to make your life more difficult though. I wish you’d come out tonight02/01/2022
I’m so excited to be traveling with you again in just a few hours. 02/06/2022
Being with you is my favorite 02/07/2022
Thanks for being with me and patient love you 300002/20/2022
Love you infinitely xoxo02/22/2022
I’m so sorry I let you down last night. I only ever want you to feel loved03/14/2022
I’ve let you down far more and you always still loved me so you’ve succeeded in making me feel loved infinitely. On top of that the things you say to me make me feel amazing. You build me up and I don’t care if you’re the only women in the world that sees me the way you do. You’re all I need.03/17/2022
Thinking of you all morning, the straw wrapper lied to you. 03/21/2022
Had an amazing time with you and AA this week. I feel closer to you everyday, love you my Sylvie!04/03/2022
Laying here next to you but feel so alone.04/14/2022
Words cannot do justice to the overflowing love I feel from and for you. You complete me. Looking forward to a lifetime of adventures together xoxo04/22/2022
It’s been a while since we posted on here, love you so much xoxo06/26/2022
You fill me up in all the ways <3 love having you in my life baby06/28/2022
Everyday with you is amazing, the past week we shared was so great I didn’t want it to end but next week could be even better xoxo07/10/2022
I love you more than I will ever be able to say with words <3 the happiness and love you bring to my life every day completes me in all the ways 07/12/2022
I love you even when you’re mad at me and I think your beautiful always. 08/02/2022
It’s your birthday and I am so excited to celebrate you! Thank you for choosing me to be a part of your life. I love you infinitely xoxo08/19/2022
We wouldn’t be together if I didn’t keep fighting for us. Feels so fucking lonely08/27/2022
You will always have my heart. Even if you don’t want it. I wish you knew just how much I love you08/31/2022
https://youtu.be/1jO2wSpAoxA09/01/2022
I LOVE YOU 10/28/2022
I love you more than anything 12/24/2022
I’m so sorry for the tough dark times that came, I’m sorry for not trusting in god and in you. You have my whole heart from now until my last breath, if you want it. I love you 09/16/2023
Sigh * you put so much pressure on absolution when you have no idea what the future really holds. Be patient and trust the Lord is with you and lighting your path09/19/2023
You asked me what was wrong this morning, I said nothing. That was not true. I laid in bed crying this morning for a bit before I decided to get up and leave. I felt lonely, I was in bed with you, you were touching my leg and I still felt lonely. I realized that I am chasing something that does not exist anymore and never will again.09/19/2023
Also added the below, I’m going to put all our good ones here :)09/20/2023
New Domain is up today. Love you and miss you. looking forward to seeing your beautiful smile when I start putting your floor in this weekend XOXO09/20/2023
Feel like I won’t be picking you up tonight but maybe I’m in my head. Let’s see09/23/2023
Going to miss you so much tonight, I hope you have a good night though and think of me a little;).09/23/2023
Good morning, I hope you’re up you have a long day today. I love you and hope you have fun today but also hope you think about me a little. Besides chauffeuring I have to go to lowes and start on your floors today. Can’t wait to see your face when you get home.09/23/2023
Done 09/24/2023
Yesterday felt like the way we used to love each other. It was nice I hope there are more days like that ahead for us and the amount of happiness in you for your floors was worth every ounce of work. XOXOXO 09/26/2023
<3 <3 <309/27/2023
Now you can add pics too09/30/2023
Cooking is one of the ways I show you I love you.10/06/2023
I was hoping to see you when I got home but I am happy you are home resting. Thank you for a delicious dinner <3 Goodnight10/06/2023
You’re pretty and I love you10/06/2023
Made a few adjustments this morning hope you love them10/08/2023
Fixed the picture layout, removed the pic you wanted me to, lets see how long before you notice :)10/11/2023
You are a really really good friend, we might be best friends forever :)10/12/2023
Well looks like it works again10/13/2023
Just double checking that this works, seems like you still can’t post ……. Lmao10/15/2023
Man I really have some bad body dysmorphia. I never see myself like I see myself when I look in a mirror….. think that is why I like mirrors so much:). Just using this site as a journal now hahaha10/17/2023
I think I haven’t been listening to you. It doesn’t matter if we are boyfriend girlfriend, engaged or married, ultimately you love me and only me so I will never have anything to worry about. I think you doing what you are is a good thing for us because I actually am not worried at all. You could be in the most tempting place but it won’t matter because you love me like I love you. It’s taken me a while to get here, even though I had difficulties I hope that you understand that it was because I loved you so much and had never experienced love like this before. Anyways I’m not going to focus on a label anymore, if we never get married so be it. I love you and I’ll hang around through anything as long as you’re in love with me. Likely you’ll never read these, just like you won’t see the pics of your house but that’s part of the fun of writing in this journal lol.10/18/2023
Really Really miss you tonight. ----MLB----10/20/2023
Happy sweetest Day, Miss you infinitley..... ----MLB----10/21/2023
Still Miss You this morning, Love you with my whole heart. I did dream about you last night but it was just you telling me that someone else was everything to you. Silly as it is, it still hurt when I work up..... ----MLB----10/21/2023
There is something that I have not told you while you are on your trip because I do not want to ruin it, I hope that when you are home and I tell you, you are not mad at me and that we figure out a way through it together. I also hope that there is a together for us. ----MLB----10/21/2023
One more sleep until I see you again :) <3<3<3 -----MLB-----10/22/2023
Get to see you tonight, kind of. :) ----MLB-----10/23/2023
I lied to you today, but I’m going to tell you the truth here and when you get home. I did drink yesterday, I did not get drunk and I was not hungover. I went to work on your house all day to make sure your kitchen was done for you when you got home. I wanted something to be a surprise. Seems like it’s back fired a bit on me though. Anyways love you so so much. Pics below10/23/2023
Got to see you, you didn’t seem to excited to see me, you didn’t get to excited about the kitchen either, bit of a let down. Today we decided that friends is all we will ever be. I do love you very much and I hope you achieve everything you want and get what you’re after. 10/24/2023
You still haven’t come back here …… 10/27/2023
Feels like we are becoming better friends everyday, I feel like with every day that passes I fall a little more out of love with you. The intimacy that you took away was replaced with nothing if not less affection and love. All that is left is the things that I can do for you. I keep holding out because I see glimmers of hope. I dont know how long I will make it though. Telling you this would only cause an argument so I type it here, in the website that I created for us, that is now simply my journal.10/28/2023
Just talk to you on the phone asked you what the plan was for this weekend. You didn’t mention going to the pumpkin patch but you did mention your work and all the work I need to do.10/30/2023
If you ever do come back here and read this you’re probably going to tell me you are just so busy that you don’t have time. We both know how much you’re on your phone, Facebook, shopping ect. Truth is you don’t come here and you don’t look at my Facebook anymore because you don’t think to, you don’t think to because you don’t care. It’s okay, I am getting better at understanding the nature of our friendship.10/30/2023
Happy Halloween, hope you have a great night. I will eat all of my veggies if you let me <310/31/2023
Tell you what, my patio door is open, if you give a shit about me at all, you will read this and come get in bed with me here.10/31/2023
The last few days have actually been pretty amazing with you, I mean you still haven’t taken the time to look at anything I’ve posted anywhere but you have been present, loving and affectionate. It’s like you sense when I’m giving up and step it up lol.10/31/2023
I didn’t finish with my bath until 3am and then I had therapy this morning. I couldn’t have come over and you knew that. You’re always making things more than what they are. I have watched you spiral and spiral and spiral for more than a year now. Your love is not what God says it should be. I have been waiting to see Christ work through you but you just use him against me. Explaining anything to you is just a waste of breath and energy bc you make up your mind and there’s no changing it. Even when it’s completely wrong. Watching what has happened to you over the last year + has been nothing short of devastating. The way you’ve been acting is just like when you drank liquor and told me it made you black out and that’s not really you and I have to wonder if that was even true or if you’ve just been hiding this side of you all along. I was honest about my shortcomings and faults from the get go and put in honest work to do something about it. You give all the credit to the medicine but the credit belongs to God and him alone. The medicine helped me to stop being angry with him and allowed me to heal and start a real relationship with him. It has changed me and for his good. I’m sorry you can’t understand it. Walking in obedience opens you to the fruit of the spirit. I pray the same for you bc I truly do love you and care about you and where your soul goes.11/01/2023
Well you had your chance patio door is closed now.11/01/2023
When you look at this whole thing it’s pretty simple. It doesn’t matter if you were on a date or not last night. What you were doing wasn’t what I want in a partner, you call me controlling because I tell you what I don’t want in a partner. Thing is we aren’t partners and we will never be partners because I’m not changing my standards of what I want and you aren’t changing what you want. I should have been listening to you, you’ve told me over and over you’re not ready to be with me. I get it, I understand. I hope you can understand that I’m not waiting for you to be ready and for me to see if you are the partner I want whenever that time comes. I hope that you can accept that we are not and never will be together, maybe then we can move on and be friends. Until then I think we need to take some time and space apart. I hope you read this when you wake up.11/01/2023
I think if I really love you I need to leave you alone, so you can heal and move on with your life. It is clear to me that that is what you want and need and I am putting myself selfishly in the way. I do not want to leave you in screwed with the house. If you want to come here and post your schedule or questions, I will return posts with what days I can help and answers. I just think that this will be easier, I will never look at my phone hoping for a text from you that will never come and you will never have to see a text from me. I will no none are coming and so will you. You wont have to be upset by anything because youll never see me again. I will just work on the house while the kids are home and you are at work.03/16/2024
Mike… I wasn’t ignoring you. I literally just woke up. It’s 10:5703/16/2024
You can also let me know here if you do anything to help me move on, I thought about lying to you and telling you I did something just so you could move on but I can’t bring myself to even let you think I’d do that. 03/16/2024
Amanada all I need and want is you. You want to have the perfect relationship with me, say you will marry me. Say that you will spend the rest of your life with me. I will do anything and everything for you. I just can not be without you. I cant miss you everyday and see you everyday. I propose this. What we have been doing has not worked. Can we try one last thing. Say you are with me, Say you will marry me. Act like you love me and want to be with me. Test me, put me through the gauntlet of all the things that I have been crazy about over the last year. You will find that it has been the not having you that has made me crazy. You will find that I trust you because you love me and want to be with me and make me know that.03/17/2024
And I’m not saying that we have to get married right now, I’m not saying that you have to tell anyone else yet. Just me.03/17/2024
Don’t bother here either I don’t give a fuck03/17/2024
Mike… I wasn’t ignoring you. I literally just woke up. It’s 10:5703/17/2024
You were my perfect man. You can’t possibly understand heart break bc you never had to survive what I have at your hand. Reaching out and planning to meet up with this girl was enough to let me know for sure where your heart is and how much you actually love me. I cried my eyes out to you over her and showed you how much it hurt and it mattered none. I hope she makes you happy, happier than I ever could. I love you Mike and I always will even tho it kills me. 03/17/2024
You finally added some pictures, I noticed this morning while having coffee. It brought a huge smile to my face and that is after not sleeping on the floor with you all night. Going to get you a bottle of water before I leave. I already miss you.03/18/2024
I’ll probably fall asleep soon, I miss you and I love you. So much so I am not going to text you to tell you the same.03/19/2024
It is so hard not to tell you that I love you and miss you all the time. I do think I understand the point though, in that I need to show you that instead of just saying it. I’m going to keep working on making my insides match my outsides and give you a person to be with that you can be proud of.03/19/2024
You know, I was sitting here thinking. If we were together, I probably wouldn’t go to Florida because you can’t, instead I’d stay home use the week to work on your house and probably give you a grand because I could because I wouldn’t need it for Florida. I guess what I’m getting at is being friends isn’t such a bad deal for me. Still love you though ;)03/20/2024
Couldn’t leave it down, love our memories, maybe someday we will make new ones 04/06/2024
….04/10/2024
Have a great birthday and life, we do not work as partners or friends, you can feel all the hate you want but you’ll not treat me like you did yesterday ever again. I am through being used, I am through begging you to be with me. Like I you said yesterday we have not been together in a year. It is time to let go. 04/11/2024
I see no reason we can’t be friends04/11/2024
I told you this time was different. I am sorry you’re sad and I am sorry we could not be what each other needed and wanted, it does make me sad as well but it does not change that those are the facts.04/11/2024
I was hoping and praying you’d see how wrong you are about all of this and I’d wake up to rubs and spending the day like you promised but you are the one full of hate. You pushed me over the edge yesterday Mike. I’m sorry for yelling at you like I did but I’ve been desperate for you to stop treating me this way for soooo long now. 04/11/2024
If you really cared about me having a great birthday you’d be spending it with me :(04/11/2024
You just make me all the sad all the time and you still are 04/11/2024
I don’t really want your last comment to be the last comment on this page. I’m glad you shared the night with me as well. If it is the last memory I have of you it will be of love. I hope it is not the last country I have Of you hope that at some point, you realize that you can’t live without me I know I can’t live without you if I have to but I don’t want to04/12/2024
Didn’t want to send you a book this morning as that is not a friend thing to do. You’ve asked me for a long time to be just your friend. I have listened and I have struggled because I’ve been in love with you this entire time, but if I truly love you the. I need to listen and give you what you’ve asked for. You have told me that you do not want my love, you do not want my faithfulness and you do not want a relationship. You want boundaries that remove those things. I only have one path to achieve that for you and have to stop being in love with you. I know you think maybe things will change and down the road we might get back together and I hope that’s true but I can’t think about it if I’m truly going to be your friend. I will give you all of your boundaries and draw some more of my own. A short hug is fine but we don’t need 5 minute hugs, I will not kiss you and I will not look at you like I want to kiss you. I will not rub you, I will not cuddle you, I may not share a bed with you though this impacts the amount of work I can do for you. I will not text you everyday, I will not ask about your plans or plan anything for us beyond the current day. I will not ask you about your romantic life and I will not share mine with you. I probably won’t see you that often anymore maybe once a month. Anyways it has been a long painful journey for me to let go and get here but it’s what you’ve been telling me you want and I can not love you enough for both of us, I can not will you into being committed to me.04/13/2024
Don’t know what that means 04/16/2024
I can only give you what you want.04/16/2024
Can’t marry you, can’t be your boyfriend, can’t be committed to you. Can slowly drift apart, that’s what I mean. I can’t give you what you do not want.04/17/2024
Don’t know what that means 04/17/2024
I guess what I am saying is that this is hard for me so expect me to waiver back and forth, expect me to become more distant, expect one rub may be or may have been the last, expect that the last dinner I cooked you may be the last one ever, expect that the last I love you was the last, expect the time I give you to shrink considerably, expect that the last night I slept with you and cuddled you and kept you warm was the last. Because as long as we are trying to be just friends those are milestones on the path there.04/17/2024
It’s not that I didn’t hear you today, it’s just that I am used to making you feel better, now I see that I no longer have the ability or the responsibility to do so.04/17/2024
But I think this week has brought me clarity and I don’t think I even need to figure what you’re after. If I just take you at face value (friendship being what you want). Then that really simplifies things for me too. Friendship is what you’ll get and you won’t be able to use me (shrug) lol. I’m just 42 years old and really don’t want to play these highschool games.04/19/2024
I figured out why I’m always thinking you’re using me. It’s the only thing that actually makes sense. The half assed friend thing while still making me feel ashamed when I try to be loving only sometimes. Like I just can’t imagine you loving me and doing that. Add on top of that your constant need for me to commit to doing all that work. The reason I’m not losing it is because by me moving you’ll prove what you’re after, so I don’t really need to figure it out, it will figure itself out the first month.04/19/2024
You lied to me on a the lords day, you went to church with me knowing so. When you try to lie to me some more to fix it I want you to know, I drove past your house and the kids parked in the driveway. They did that because they knew you weren’t coming home, they also lied to me but to make sure I drive out to cedar lake and guess what you weren’t there either. You and I are not equally yolked but it is you that falls short, little of your actions are that of a Christian. While I do forgive you, I do not want you to be any part of my life. Please do not respond.04/22/2024
Thanks for an amazing weekend 05/06/2024
I woke up this morning a little disappointed that all we did for the past 12 hours was sleep, but then I realized that there is no one and nothing else that I’d have been able to sleep that long for. I am really glad I got to snuggle you and sleep next to for so long. I hope I see you before you leave this morning.05/10/2024
Awe baby I miss and love you so much too xoxoxoxo05/29/2024
I haven’t been here in a minute… just wanted you to know I’m thinking of you and missing you and loving you sooo much <305/29/2024
Had to beat you to loading the grad pic. Love you, this past month has been pretty amazing. I hope this is how it will be everyday for the rest of our lives.06/06/2024
Was just browsing the site and was impressed the layout. Nicely design and great user experience. Just had to drop a message, have a great day! 8dfds87a07/15/2024


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